


Writing On the Wall

by devoosha



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Klance Pinefest 2020, Lance is pining bad, Lance’s depression, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, and insecurities, but I can’t not have a happy ending, there’s angst, unaddressed issues addressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27374881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devoosha/pseuds/devoosha
Summary: Lance, hiding himself on his family farm, receives a call from Pidge asking for his help.  It brings him reluctantly back to the company of the former Paladins to investigate the cave where they found the Blue Lion.  Lance is forced to face long buried hurts and his own insecurity.  Worse, he's forced to face Keith, who he's been in love with since the Garrison days.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 185
Collections: Klasix Master Collection





	Writing On the Wall

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for checking out my entry for Klance Pinefest 2020!
> 
> The idea for this fic came from @crazyrandomhappenklance - who loves to pimp ideas to me! And I love her for it! Thanks to her for being my awesome beta reader (as well as such a good friend who makes me smile every day!)

**The Writing on the Wall**

“Lance?”

“Pidge?”

“Hey, yeah! It’s me!”

“Um, what’s up?” Lance asked, a little hesitantly. The team hadn’t contacted him much in the past few months after their last annual meetup on New Altea. 

“Uh, actually, I think we need your help,” she admitted.

Lance frowned, a bitter taste in his mouth. They remembered him when they needed something. He wasn’t worth checking on, but he must hold some value still. He reached up to rub at his face, wincing as his fingers made contact with those cursed marks. “What do you need?”

“So,” Pidge began in a nervous way, which told him she hadn’t wanted to contact him, “since things settled down quite a bit, Dad thought about checking out the place we found the blue lion.”

“Oh.” Lance’s mind worked slowly around her statement. What?

“Only,” she said, and he could hear frustration enter her tone, “we can’t get in.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I mean, Keith and Hunk were able to get us back there and all, but we can’t get in.”

His mind switched gears. Keith? And Hunk? Were back on earth? And neither had bothered to come and see him? He closed his eyes to block the sting of tears. Okay.

After a minute of silence from him, Pidge continued, “Keith thought maybe you could get us in.”

“Me?”

“Well, yeah. You got us in the first time, right? You touched the carvings and they lit up. They never did that for Keith. Then we remembered. At least for Hunk and I. I guess it was different for Keith and Shiro…” she rambled, then brought her focus back. “I mean, Hunk and I were able to activate the carvings around our lions. And deactivate the particle barriers.”

“Oh.” Could he think of more than one-word answers?

“So, we thought since Blue originally chose you, maybe you need to be the one to open her cave again.”

“But she’s not there anymore.” Hey. He managed a complete sentence.

“No, we know. But it still made sense once Keith suggested it.”

“I don’t…”

“Please, Lance? Dad is so keen to get down there. We didn’t get much of a chance to look around, since Blue sort of took off with us in her.”

He stared at the blank screen in front of him. He rarely activated the video portion of the communication device. He hated to see his own image in the corner with the faintly glowing blue marks. Too many bad memories were associated with them, so he avoided his own image as much as possible. For someone who used to be devoted to his skincare and thought he was good looking, he had done a complete one-eighty and now hated his face. 

The marks drove home the fact Allura didn’t love him. And he didn’t love her. Not the way they tried to love each other. Even before their first date, he knew. He knew when he went to find Keith before his date. Why would he spend all that time searching for his so-called rival when he had a date to get ready for? Keith’s reassurance? No. He was honest enough with himself to admit he hoped Keith would want Lance to stay with him all night instead.

The memory flashed in front of his eyes, blurring the screen in front of him. How good Keith looked in the fading sunlight. How much he wanted Keith to say _something_ that would get him to stay. He would have stood Allura up in a heartbeat, in spite of how it would make him look. In spite of the disappointed look from his mother. All for Keith.

But Keith didn’t want him. Keith didn’t say anything. Nothing that would make Lance stay, so he left and chose Allura. Told her he loved her when all he loved was the idea of her. As she kissed him, he could tell. He was a replacement. The rebound. She was hurt and needed comfort and he was there. Always there. And, well, if Keith didn’t want him, he might as well be with Allura.

Their relationship never felt right. Neither of them were happy and it showed. They tried. They definitely tried. They did the things couples did (when there was time), but their hearts weren’t in it. His wasn’t, he knew, and he suspected Allura’s heart wasn’t as well. He couldn’t tell. Still broken over Lotor’s betrayal? 

His heart was Keith’s and that would never change. 

It wasn’t all bad. They did comfort each other, to be sure. They were good friends, but he thought it was all they should be. He had been on the verge many times of telling her. Of having the talk that moved their relationship to something better for both of them. He never got the chance. Before he knew it, she sacrificed herself and left those fucking marks. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t love her. He did. Just not in that way. Now he was permanently marked and there was nothing he could do. Discreet questions to Coran yielded nothing. Digging at them with his fingernails only caused pain. He consulted a plastic surgeon, who shooed Lance out of his office and told him never to contact him again. 

“Lance?” Pidge’s voice brought his attention back to the blank screen.

“Uh. I don’t know,” he waffled. “I’m kinda busy with the farm and all.”

This stupid fucking farm. These stupid fucking flowers.

“You can go mijo. We’ll be okay.”

The voice of his mother behind him made him jump. He hadn’t heard her come in. 

“Mamá…”

“Go, mijo. Go help your friends. It will be good for you.”

“Great!” Pidge exclaimed. “I’ll let the others know! When can you be here?”

Lance turned to glare at his mother, who merely smiled back at him. “Yeah,” he said grudgingly. “Vero will be home this weekend. I’ll have her bring me Sunday.”

“Wonderful! Can’t wait to see you!” Pidge said.

“I doubt that,” Lance muttered before closing the connection.

“Lance…” his mother drawled out. “That wasn’t nice.”

“I don’t feel like being nice, Mamá. They don’t bother with me unless they need something.”

“Lance.” Now her tone was sterner. “They are your family, as much as we are.”

“They’ve forgotten me, Mamá,” he said, ashamed at how his voice choked up. “Hunk is back on earth and didn’t bother to come visit. I haven’t seen him since our reunion thing.”

“And whose fault is that, mijo? You have isolated yourself here.”

“What else can I do?”

His mother crossed the room to where he sat on his couch and took a seat next to him. “Mi pequeño soñador,” she said softly, touching him gently on the cheek. He winced a little as her thumb brushed over the mark there. “You were always dreaming of the stars, mijo. What happened?”

“Everything. I wanted to be someone special, Mamá. I ended up being an easily forgotten burden.”

“Such bitterness, mijo.”

“I can’t help it, Mamá.” He leaned against her and she wrapped her arms around him. He felt comforted, but how many times over the past three years was he forced to find solace in these same arms? “I thought they were my friends. My family. But I ended up feeling left out all of the time. I thought when Keith came back, it would change, but it was the same.”

It was something his mother heard many times. He poured his heart out to her often, so she knew of his sadness and feeling of neglect. She couldn’t get through to him, however many times she tried. She hoped this push might be what he needed.

“Mijo,” she said, stroking her fingers through his hair. “You went through so much with your team. Yes, they are busy people now, this is true, but don’t think for a minute they have forgotten you. You are special. Everyone you worked with on Voltron told me over and over they didn’t know what they would have done without you. You kept them sane, mijo. No small task with such a burden to carry on your team’s shoulders.”

“Then why did they never tell me? Why do they not visit?”

“I think everyone thinks you wanted space. After you came home, you didn’t want to see anyone, soñador. Including us. We gave you time, but I don’t think it helped. You grieved, but so did everyone else.” She pushed him up so she could see his face, focused on the thing they never talked about. “You never want anyone to see these,” she pointed out, brushing her thumb over a mark.

“They remind me of being an idiot.”

“Everyone is an idiot at some point in their life, mijo. You loved Allura, in a way. She loved you back, in a way, too. I don’t think she knew she would mark you like that, but it is what it is. You can deal with it and move on, or you can stay hidden away on this farm and hide it. I don’t think that’s the kind of man you are. It certainly isn’t the boy I raised.”

He swallowed around the tightness in his throat. She was right. He was hiding. He remembered they had tried at the beginning. After they returned. There were offers of work at the Garrison. Offers to come visit, but he refused them. He made excuses, as he had with Pidge a few minutes ago. He supposed they grew tired of trying and left him alone to reach out to them when he was ready.

Was he ready? He certainly saw them every year on the day they gathered. It made him happy, but sad at the same time. They were all doing great things in the universe; he was tending flowers he hated now. They all wanted to know what he’d been doing, but he had little to say. He listened to them, quiet in a way he never was when they knew him before the end of the war. 

Not as if he had a choice now. In four days, he’d be face to face with all of them. Including Keith.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure you want to do this, hermanito?” Veronica asked as she flicked the switches on the small ship she commandeered to bring her and Acxa home for a visit. Lance had squished himself behind them in the small two-seater, his legs uncomfortably pulled up so his knees were under his chin. 

“I don’t want to sit like this for half an hour,” he complained.

“You should have told me,” she said dismissively. “I could have gotten a bigger ship.” Acxa snorted and Lance scowled at his sister.

“Alright, here we go,” Veronica said after getting clearance for takeoff. The ship rose smoothly into the atmosphere, and Lance felt the thrill that always accompanied a leap into the sky. It used to be a daily thrill – first in Blue, then in Red. He did miss it. The one time a year when he caught a ride to New Altea was the only source of it for him anymore.

His chin lay on his arms, which he wrapped around his knees. He felt tight, cramped, and small, which was strange for him to feel. His final growth spurt put him at the same height as Keith, who had shot ahead of him on his space-whale adventure. But shoved here on the floor between the back of the cockpit and the pilot seats, he felt short and insignificant. 

Once Veronica reached her altitude, she twisted her upper body to look at Lance, giving him a smile. “Everything will be okay,” she assured. 

He shrugged his shoulders, as best he could anyway. 

“I mean it, Lance. They do miss you. I know you don’t believe it, but they do.”

“They have a lousy way of showing it.”

“You have not been the best company to be around these last few years.” Veronica always had a blunt way of speaking, and she wasn’t about to hold back simply because he was her brother.

“Don’t forget Shiro wants to talk to him, too,” Acxa suddenly said.

Veronica shot Acxa a small glare, which Acxa ignored. “I was gonna tell him once we got there, A.”

“What’s this? I don’t want to see Shiro,” Lance exclaimed, sitting up a little straighter, which only meant smacking his head against the back of the cabin where it angled in. “Ouch!”

“Careful, hermanito,” Veronica cautioned needlessly. “Yes, when Shiro found out you were coming he postponed our mission until he could talk to you.”

“Why?”

“He didn’t exactly say,” Vero said, turning her attention back to the control panels. “I’m assuming it’s about working at the Garrison, or going on one of the future Atlas missions.”

Lance didn’t answer and rested his chin back on his arms. He didn’t know what to think about the possibility. Would he want to get back into everything? Have everyone staring at him with those sad, pitying looks. He knew people thought Allura’s death had devastated him and therefore assumed he couldn’t bear reminders of her. Those damn flowers wouldn’t let him forget, so why would the Garrison be worse? He did hurt, yes, a friend had died. He mourned as was appropriate, but the pain was gone. 

The rest of the short flight in the fast ship was mostly quiet. Veronica and Acxa chatted occasionally, with the ease of two people attached to each other. Lance didn’t mutter a sound, though his heart was racing and he was in a cold sweat about their arrival.

The quiet let him linger in his thoughts too much. He was grateful Vero and Acxa left him alone, but he hated having his thoughts overcome him. They did it often enough on the farm, sitting in the warm sun amid the fragrant, hated flowers. He quirked a bitter half-smile on his lips. _‘Tending flowers,’_ he thought with a soft snort that got a quick glance from Acxa. The flowers took little to no upkeep. They grew quite well on their own. Tending them meant sitting in the middle of the field sunk in his misery and dark thoughts. 

At first, he thought about when he first met Keith – both gangly and awkward pre-teens trying to prove themselves at the Garrison. At least Lance, who desperately wanted to be a pilot, was. Everything seemed to come easily to Keith, who sat through the simulations with an unimpressed air that made Lance grind his teeth together. Keith didn’t have to practice. Keith didn’t have to study. English was Lance’s second language, so studying proved a challenge and he had to work ten times as hard as Keith did, it seemed, to keep his grades near the top.

It was jealousy, pure and simple, but as young as he was, he knew there was something more. He became obsessed with Keith, who ignored him. Lance’s insecurity and his need to be the center of everyone’s attention caused him to do ridiculous things to get Keith to notice him. It never worked and adult Lance winced as he recalled some of the idiotic things he used to do. If he knew then, as a twelve-year-old, that he was already deeply in love with the mysterious, dark-haired, talented cadet, he’d have laughed at himself.

At that age, he wasn’t aware there were alternatives that meant he could like more than girls. When Keith punched James, Lance stood to the side with the other cadets, his heart in his throat. It was in that moment he realized he wanted more than acknowledgment from Keith. He admired Keith’s fiery reaction and how _beautiful_ he looked in a fury. It was a confusing realization as he caught Keith’s eye when the angry youth was dragged away to the office. An unnamed emotion shot straight down through his nervous system to his feet. He knew it was more, but not what that 'more' was.

By the time Keith was expelled, Lance had a better grasp about the world – mostly due to Veronica dating one of her classmates, a bubbly blonde girl who took classes in the science division. It was eye-opening and explained the relationship his Tia Linda had with the woman Lance always called Tia Joann. She was a much-loved member of the family, and Lance now knew she was more than a roommate.

Without Keith, Lance found there was now a hole in his heart. The one person who pushed him the hardest to be his best was gone. Lance could tell himself day and night he missed Keith merely for such a selfish reason; he was honest enough with himself in the deepest, darkest, most private corner of his heart it was because he missed _Keith_. Missed the way Keith flew the simulators; the way he would find Keith curled up in the dorm lounge with a book (always something Lance would check out later and enjoy); the way Keith shoveled his food in his mouth in the cafeteria; the way Keith tossed his damn bangs from his eyes as he sat staring dreamily (or bored) out of the window in class; the way he sometimes caught a soft smile on Keith’s lips, especially when Professor Holt brought their family puppy to the Garrison. 

Lance knew then that Keith was everything to him. Unfortunately, Lance only realized it fully when Keith was not there anymore. He had no idea where Keith went. No idea, really, of what his story was. Where he lived, where he was from, where he may have gone with nowhere else to go. Discreet searches online when he could yielded nothing. The Garrison blocks many sites in the first place – it’s a secure facility after all – but the only thing he did find was a short article mentioning the death of one Hank Kogane, firefighter, aged thirty-six, due to a fire in the family home, leaving behind his only son, Keith. 

Lance’s chest clenched as he read the impersonal article and couldn’t find any other information on the incident. So, Keith’s father had passed away. It didn’t mention a mother, nor did it mention anything else. The fire wasn’t far from the Garrison. A few hours drive, if Lance remembered right. He’d never been to the town, there were closer ones to visit when they had day leave, but the name was at least familiar to him. Was that where Keith had gone? It said a fire in the family home. Did Keith lose his home and his father at the same time?

Current Lance sighed as his thoughts turned grim again. He knew more of the story now, and it wasn’t much better. Keith was fatherless and, because he had no mother, sent into the system - forgotten, neglected, and shunted from uncaring home to uncaring home. He wished he knew back then, because Keith’s attitude and behavior made more sense viewed through the lens of his life. 

It was a shock to see Keith again the night Shiro returned. Hunk and Pidge couldn’t understand why Lance would know Keith anywhere. Hadn’t he spent years staring at the back of Keith’s head? Keith, who was always ahead of him and unreachable. He memorized every angle of Keith, every little way Keith moved, every expression and tic and smile and frown and the way his brows furrowed. All of it carved permanently into his mind. 

And yet, he still wouldn’t name it as love. Not until they let their guards down, held hands, and acknowledged they made a good team. He panicked, not quite ready to face what he knew, the way his heart expanded and melted at the same time as Keith carried him to the medbay. So, when Keith called it a bonding moment, he denied it ever happened.

He wished, as he often did, Voltron never happened. That Shiro wouldn’t have gone on the Kerberos mission. The Galra would never have come to Earth. He wouldn’t have left his home and family. He could have stayed at the Garrison, graduated as a pilot, and never met Allura, Coran, or any of the other aliens. Who knows? Maybe if he and Keith stayed in school, they could have figured out how to be friends. Maybe that could have eventually led to more? Maybe Hunk and Pidge would still be friends with him? He knew he wouldn’t have these damn marks at least.

He hated thinking things like this. Nothing could change, so dwelling on it did nothing. While things turned out for shit, he still was happy to have known Allura. He loved Coran and Romelle. He didn’t actually wish he’d never met them. He just wished some things had gone differently.

Wished Keith hadn’t left for the Blade.

Wished Hunk and Pidge hadn’t made him into a huge joke.

Wished Keith hadn’t treated him like shit and said such an awful thing on the game show.

Wished Hunk hadn’t gotten distant or ignored him.

Wished Pidge hadn’t treated him as if he was an idiot.

Wished Keith hadn’t rejected him on the black lion that night.

Wished everything was different.

Wished Keith loved him.

He tucked his face down, hiding it against his forearms. Fuck, he didn’t need this spiral minutes before touching down. He had to pull himself together before he was face to face with his former teammates. It was always like this – a slight to major panic before he faced them. Every year at the reunion was the same. The anxiety, trying to smile as he sat between Keith and Coran– always between Keith and Coran– and woodenly eating whatever Hunk cooked up for their dinner. All the pretending.

Pretending to laugh at Coran’s jokes.

Pretending to be interested in Pidge’s discoveries and inventions.

Pretending to listen to Keith’s progress on the humanitarian front.

Pretending to care about Shiro’s new romance with Chris? Carter? Curtis? He couldn’t remember.

Pretending to be happy for Hunk’s successes.

All this pretending hurt him, because he knew he was a bad friend. Friends didn’t pretend all those things. They actually felt them. He should feel excitement and happiness for his friends. His found family. He shook his head side to side to rub his burning eyes against his forearms. He felt an ache and a hole in his heart. They hurt him first, he reminded himself, as petty as it was to think. Hunk and Pidge ignored him and made fun of him. Shiro (okay, it was clone Shiro, but still…) treated him like shit. Keith. Keith left him.

He left me.

He rejected me.

Those two sentences repeated in his overtired brain for the remainder of the flight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


“Lance!” Pidge yelled, running across the tarmac toward their ship. Acxa and Veronica had already jumped out, and he was awkwardly unfolding himself from his cramped position. As he slid to the ground, he put a hand on the wing to steady himself, as his legs were so wobbly. Pidge crashed into him, nearly knocking him onto the ground. She gained an inch or two every year, so she was now shoulder height to him. The short gremlin hadn’t noticeably changed much. Hair a little longer, but she still wore the needless glasses. 

Lance half-heartedly returned her enthusiastic hug. She never did this on New Altea.

Before he knew it, the warm arms of Hunk circled them both, squeezing Pidge between him and Lance. “Buddy,” Hunk said, his voice affectionate enough to bring a lump to Lance’s throat. He hadn’t gotten a Hunk hug in so long.

He caught Veronica’s eye, as well as her smirk and she mouthed, _“I told you so”_ at him. He frowned. He wasn’t sure what to say or do. These were his closest friends at one point but he felt like strangers were hugging him.

“Good to see you, Sharpshooter.”

The warm voice drew his eyes to Keith, who stood a few feet behind Hunk, arms crossed in his usual posture, but with a smile on his face, which did much to soften his features. He looked even more handsome than eight months ago at the reunion, and it made Lance’s heart stutter. Fuck, he didn’t need this. 

Hunk and Pidge let go of him, but before they could begin babbling like he saw they wanted to, Lance cleared his throat. Without a hello or anything, he said, “So, are we going out there now? To the cave? I kind of want to get this over with.”

He knew his tone was harsh. He could see it on their faces. The hurt on Hunk’s, the disappointment on Pidge’s, and the whatever-it-was expression on Keith’s that killed his smile. 

“Uh, sure, Lance. I guess we can. I can see about getting ATV’s today,” Pidge said uncertainly. She glanced at Hunk, who was staring at Lance. Lance fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt.

“Where’s your bag?” Hunk asked. “I can carry it for you.”

“No, it’s okay,” Lance said, turning to yank his small duffel out of the small space he occupied for the flight. “I didn’t bring much.” He didn’t want to bring a lot and be tempted to stay longer.

He saw Veronica shake her head. “I’ll call Mamá and let her know we made it safe,” she said, wiggling her fingers over her shoulder. “Acxa and I need to check-in.”

He grunted, hooking the strap of his bag over his shoulder. “Where can I drop this?”

“I’m bunking in a double in the Garrison,” Hunk said. “You can stay with me. Let’s head over there and meet Pidge and Keith in the garage.”

Lance nodded with a slight hum of agreement, and then followed Hunk off the tarmac, ignoring the strange looks Pidge and Keith gave each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you okay, Buddy?”

Lance didn’t answer Hunk’s hesitant question right away. He sat in the passenger seat of the ATV he and Hunk commissioned for the drive out into the desert staring out the window at the featureless landscape. He tried to look for something he recognized from the morning when his whole life changed, but he couldn’t see anything. One rock outcropping looked much the same as another. He figured Keith could probably point out differences to him. The guy grew up here after all. He pointedly did not ride in the ATV Keith was driving.

“Sure.”

It should have been enough for Hunk. Hunk from the Garrison days would have accepted it and let Lance alone, but Hunk had matured, as they all had, and expressed more confidence. His duties and relationship with Shay apparently increased his innate empathy as well – an empathy he always possessed, but never had the courage to act on. He did now.

“You can’t fool me, Lance. I know things aren’t good.”

Lance snorted, but didn’t answer.

“I know you miss Allura…” Hunk began.

He was surprised at the shock of anger that ran through him. “I don’t miss Allura,” he snapped in annoyance. “Fuck. I mean I do. I lost a great friend, but it didn’t kill me, Hunk.”

“You lost the love of your life, Lance,” Hunk pointed out in a gentle voice. “I can’t imagine how hurt I’d be if I lost Shay. But you don’t have to shut us out, you know.” He turned the ATV slightly to the right to avoid boulders strewn across the ground. “We just want to help.”

Lance sighed wearily, and leaned his head against the window. He hadn’t done anything and he felt exhausted. “I didn’t lose the love of my life, Hunk. Allura and I both knew we weren’t working. Neither of us loved each other that way.”

“What?” Hunk asked, his voice betraying his confusion. “I thought…”

“We were together because we each couldn’t have the one we wanted. It was convenient, nothing more. I loved her as a friend, like I love you and Pidge. We were more a comfort to each other than anything.”

“But I thought you two…you know.”

“No. We never got that far. She was still hurting over Lotor.”

Hunk was silent. He kept his eyes on Keith’s ATV ahead of them. Keith drove as he always did, recklessly, and Hunk struggled to keep up. Lance knew he was thinking deeply about what Lance said and what Lance didn’t say. There was a lot to unravel, though Lance hadn’t said much.

“Who was the one you wanted?”

Lance closed his eyes. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He should have kept his mouth shut. “It doesn’t matter. I still can’t have them. Just forget it.”

“Keith?”

“What?” His eyes popped open.

“Is it Keith?”

“Why would you think that?”

“You didn’t mention him when you said you loved Allura like you love me and Pidge. You didn’t mention Keith.”

“I didn’t mention Shiro either,” he retorted.

“True. But Shiro was never really like…a friend. He was and wasn’t. He was more like a dad, you know. I mean, I think of him that way for the most part. Even now I still think of him as an authority, though I’m not really with the Garrison anymore,” Hunk babbled.

“I said it doesn’t matter anyway, Hunk,” he ground out between his clenched teeth.

“It is Keith, then.”

Lance crossed his arms and glared out the window.

“Is that why you’ve shut us out?”

“I haven’t shut you out Hunk! You’re the ones shutting me out!” he shouted, then clamped his mouth shut. Don’t fucking cry. Do not fucking cry.

“What!?” Hunk cried. He slammed the brakes hard enough to bruise Lance’s chest from the straps holding him in. The ATV skidded to a stop, raising a large cloud of dust behind them as it spun at an angle. “Is that what you think?”

“What else am I supposed to think?” He noticed Keith’s ATV had slowed to a stop. Any minute now…yep. There was the beep on the comms.

“Everything okay, Hunk?” Keith’s voice came out of the speaker.

“Uh, give me a minute,” Hunk said, then turned off the comms before Keith could answer. Lance, whose eyes focused on a slight dent in the dashboard of the vehicle, heard the deep breath Hunk took in – a sign he was controlling himself. “Lance,” and Lance flinched at the love in Hunk’s voice, “Lance, you’re my best friend. I love you so much. Why would you think I would shut you out?”

Lance pressed his lips together, trying to control the tears stinging his already burning eyes. 

“Lance…”

“I haven’t seen you in years, Hunk,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Just at the reunion.”

“I thought you wanted to be left alone,” Hunk said.

“I did.”

“That doesn’t make sense, Lance. You’re mad cause we did what you wanted?” When Lance didn’t answer, he sighed. “Why did you not want to see us, Lance?”

“I didn’t want _you_ to see _me_. I didn’t want those pity looks from everyone. Or watch everyone stare at these fucking marks,” he said, gesturing vaguely toward his face. “I’m ugly and I don’t like people staring at me. I hate it. I hate these marks. I hate that she did this to me. I hate that I can’t let it go.”

Hunk didn’t say anything for a minute. Lance breathed heavily, his face turned away from his friend once again. “Lance...”

“I just. Hunk…I don’t know what to do. I feel so guilty I didn’t love her like I said. But then, I know she didn’t love me, either. No more than friends. And I hate you all think I was so washed out with grief that you gave up on me.”

“We didn’t give up on you!” Hunk cried. “We tried. We tried so hard, but you wouldn’t listen to anyone!”

“I know,” Lance groaned, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. 

“I have to say, Lance. I’ve been pretty quiet about this whole thing, cause I didn’t want _you_ to hurt more than I thought you were, but _I’m_ hurt you thought I would give up on you. That I wouldn’t want to be your friend. After all we’ve gone through...”

Lance dropped his hands to look at Hunk, startled. Hunk’s voice was choked up and there were tears standing in his warm brown eyes. “I’m sorry...” he tried.

“Lance, don’t apologize. It’s like we didn’t understand each other.”

“You and Pidge got so close and I felt left out before we lost the Castleship,” Lance admitted. “And Allura had Lotor. Keith was gone. I felt alone. It hurt. When I did get to hang out with you, you made fun of me. That hurt so much. I felt like I had no one. When Keith came back, it wasn’t the same. He brushed me aside, when I thought we were at least friends. He said that awful thing on the game show.”

“Lance…”

“Everything alright, Hunk?” Keith’s voice came over the comms again.

“No,” Hunk replied angrily, then jumped when Lance’s hand darted over to mute the comm. 

“Don’t tell Keith anything!” he hissed.

“What?”

“I don’t want him to know what’s going on!”

Hunk blinked a few times, then shoved Lance’s hand away so he could open the comms again to Keith’s repeated, “Hunk? Hunk? Lance?”

“Um, it’s fine Keith. We’re just. Give us a minute.”

“Okay,” Keith said.

Hunk cut the comms again and leaned back in his seat with a large sigh. “I can’t believe this. I’m sorry if you thought Pidge and I neglected you. Why didn’t you say anything before? Why don’t you want Keith to know?”

“He doesn’t care. Nobody does.”

“I honestly don’t know what the hell is going on in your head Lance. I don’t know why you think none of the team cares about you. If we failed at something...at somehow letting you know you mean the world to us, I’m sorry. I can’t express how sorry I am you got to this point. God, I feel like the worst friend in the world.”

“You’re not,” Lance argued, but was cut short as Hunk lifted a hand and turned to face Lance. 

“Lance, you aren’t only my friend. You’re my family. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there for the whole Voltron thing. You’ve always been there for me, always kept up my spirits. I’m truly sorry I didn’t return the favor. I should have known you felt this way. That’s on me, and I don’t think I can ever make it up to you. But you have to know, I love you. The whole team loves you. We’ve missed you so much the past few years.”

Lance’s tears finally fell. The warm tracks down his already heated skin felt cleansing. Was everything now okay? No. Not all the way. To know Hunk was still there for him - that this whole mess was a bunch of misunderstandings on everyone’s part - made a small part of his heart feel relief. He’d need to talk to Pidge, too. To clear the air there. He should with Keith as well, but the baggage there was too heavy and bulky. He wouldn’t know where to start.

There were Hunk’s arms again. The embrace Lance didn’t return at the ship. The embrace he finally returned now, awkwardly because of the seat configuration in the ATV, where they couldn’t reach properly with the console between them and the straps holding them down. It was still a Hunk Hug™, with the old familiar warmth and affection. 

“Buddy, don’t do this ever again. Your light has been gone from our lives way too long.”

“I won’t,” he promised, sniffling and attempting not to leak snot all over his friend.

“Guys, we really should keep going,” Pidge said, her tone a little diffident, as if she were trying to be polite in spite of her tendency to snark at the best of times.

“Yeah yeah, we’re coming,” Hunk said thickly after he’d let go of Lance and pressed the comms button again. 

“You okay, Hunk? You sound funny.”

“I’ll explain later.”

“Roger that.”

“I mean it, Buddy,” Hunk said as he restarted the vehicle. “You shouldn’t ever feel like you can’t come to me about anything…what you feel, what’s going on in your life, _any_ problems. Like unresolved crushes.”

Lance choked a little. “What do you mean by unresolved crushes?”

“Like yours on Keith? You’ve had it, what? Since we were kids?”

Lance almost did what he always did when Hunk alluded to his feelings for their dark-haired classmate-turned Paladin - turned leader - turned upper member of the Blade. Deny it. He would deny it so vehemently that Hunk would always smirk and quote Shakespeare at him. _“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”_

But, really? Why should he hide it from Hunk anymore? He knew Hunk would never say anything. Hunk was a gossip, but he knew when to keep quiet about some subjects. His shoulders drooped in conjunction with his sigh. 

“Fine. Yes. I love Keith. But it doesn’t matter.”

“Why doesn’t it matter?”

Lance snorted. “Uh, because he doesn’t love me back? He hates me?”

“I _just_ got done telling you the team loves you.”

“You know what I mean. Keith barely tolerates me.”

“I think you’re wrong.”

“I know I’m right.”

“I’ve been watching you pine over him, God, forever. It’s hard to measure time with the time skips we’ve gone through,” Hunk mused, then pulled his thoughts back. “I mean, let’s say a long time now.”

“Pining means one-sided, Hunk. I think if Keith felt anything for me, he’d have shown it by now.”

“You haven’t shown it to him. How you feel about him,” Hunk pointed out. He maneuvered the ATV down a narrow path to the small valley where the cave entrance sat. Lance recognized their surroundings now. “Keith is the king of poker face, man. Have you ever played cards with him? He should go pro in Vegas.”

The joke actually got a laugh out of Lance, one rusty from disuse. The picture of Keith at a table in some smoky room with a bunch of gangsters playing cards was too much. “And if he didn’t win, he’d just stab them with his sword,” he joked.

It felt good to be almost himself with Hunk again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“The floor is back,” Lance commented and did a little jump on the spot in the cave floor where they fell through years ago into Blue’s chamber.

“I know. We couldn’t figure it out,” Pidge said, adjusting her backpack. “The floor pretty much dissolved when you activated the carvings. As far as we know, no one ever came back to ‘repair’ it.” She squatted down to place her hands on the floor. “No one at the Garrison knew how to get here, so we know it wasn’t any of them.”

“It doesn’t make sense,” Keith commented. He stood at the back of the small group, arms crossed and eyes resting on Lance constantly. It made Lance completely self-conscious and he felt as if none of his limbs could move gracefully. He felt as awkward as a wobbly, newborn calf. 

Lance did his best to ignore it. He took a moment, this time, to get a better look at the carvings on the wall. When they entered the cave years ago, they didn’t get much of a look before Lance touched them and propelled them into their epic adventure. They were generic, for the most part. Carvings of Blue. He recognized what looked like the Castleship and the distinctive features of the five lions and their original Paladins. 

“Hey, Keith. Come here,” Hunk said, his voice echoing through the passageway. 

Keith pulled his gaze from Lance and joined Hunk, who was touching the wall carving on the opposite side of the cave from where Lance and Pidge were looking at the carvings, which seemed to depict the rise of Voltron.

Hunk’s hand brushed up against the carving that looked like Yellow and, to his and Keith’s surprise, it began to glow that color. “What the...?” he breathed, then hummed to himself. “This looks like where Yellow was hidden.”

Keith stepped to the side where a carving appeared to show Red in a volcano. He touched his fingers fondly to his first lion and it began to glow red as Yellow’s had. “Pidge.”

Pidge and Lance crossed over to them. Pidge touched her fingers to Green hidden in its’ temple of vines and the carving glowed green. “Lance. Touch Blue. We’re not on the part of the floor where it collapsed back then. Let’s see what happens.”

Lance felt a small stab of déjà vu. He hadn’t touched Blue on this side of the cave, but it felt the same. He felt like the insecure and scared seventeen-year-old he was all those years ago. He glanced to his side to see the other three looking at him eagerly. This carving of Blue depicted her seated in a cave. Hesitantly, and with shaking hands, he placed his palm against her.

The cave lit up, as it had before. Other than the three glowing lions of the other colors, most of the carvings lit up blue and glowed, washing them all in the cool light. Though it wasn’t the first time this had happened to them, they all gasped once again. There was a slight rumble and the floor collapsed, the pieces falling into the abyss. Only this time, they stood to the side of the hole. 

“Whoa,” Pidge breathed, moving to get a closer look at the hole. “How did we survive that fall?”

“It’s probably not as far as it looks,” Keith said. “Thankfully this time we have rope.”

“Doing this old school, huh?” Hunk said. 

Keith shrugged. “I guess we could have snatched our Paladin armor from the Garrison museum, but I hate having to fill out paperwork when Shiro catches me doing that.”

Hunk chuckled. Lance turned to hide the smile which came unbidden to his face. Keith making jokes was something new, and he did not need Keith to see how it affected him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once they reached the lower chamber, where Blue had slumbered for ten thousand years, Lance was disappointed she wasn’t there. He would have given anything to see her again. Though Red was his lion at the end, and they had a good bond, he missed his Baby Blue. She understood him in a way Red never did. He supposed it was because Red probably truly belonged with Keith all along. Lance was definitely not Keith.

The descent was much drier. They were able to avoid the pool of water and land on the dry shore of the small water feature of the cave. It was darker, however, and Lance supposed it was because it lacked the shiny particle barrier that gave the cave light. He wondered briefly, as he hadn’t had time back then, how Blue was able to maintain power for all that time. He supposed he would never know. Unless Coran did.

They used flashlights to navigate to the achingly blank space where Blue once sat patiently waiting for them. Lance’s heart hurt in a way it hadn’t since the lions left. The blank space was just so blank. How he longed to see the yellow gleam of her eyes and feel the loving presence in his mind.

“There are carvings here, too,” Pidge said, flashing her light at the walls around the large space.

“Lance?” Hunk said, looking at Lance, who stood in front of the blank floor looking at something that wasn’t there. 

“Huh?”

“Maybe touch these carvings? Maybe they’ll light up, too?”

“Uh, sure,” he said, tearing his gaze from his absent Blue. God, he suddenly felt so depressed.

He moved to the closest wall and laid his hand flat against the rough surface. After a moment, the cave flared into life. Carvings covered every surface of the entire room, which was an almost perfect circle. The four turned around, mouths dropped open in awe. There were so many and quite a few were not glowing. They could see it now in the bright glow of blue light. 

One by one, their flashlights clicked off. The room was now brighter than it had been with the particle barrier. Pidge suddenly dashed to the right and slammed her hand on one of the carvings. Around the circle of the room, green light started glowing on a number of the carvings.

“Find your lion!” she cried. “Touch the carving for it!”

Hunk and Keith both moved along the wall until they found their own lions, Yellow and Red, and touched them. Corresponding lights dotted the walls now, along with the green and blue. 

“Do you think if Keith touches Black, it will work? Black did accept him,” Pidge mused.

“One way to find out,” Keith grunted and walked along the wall until he found Black and pressed his hand to it. Purple light now joined the rest of the rainbow and the room was now bright enough as if it were daylight inside.

“This is incredible,” Pidge breathed. “I don’t know where to start!”

“Wait,” Keith said, staring at the carving he had just touched. “This looks like. No, it can’t be. It happened after we found Blue.”

“What is it?” Hunk asked, hurrying over to Keith.

Keith pointed it out and the three looked it over. Lance opted to stay where he was, staring at the carving of Blue and Red at the Balmera. The story pictured in front of him reminded him of the battle. But, as Keith said, it happened after they found Blue. Maybe the original Paladins did something similar. After all, he decided, they did need Balmera crystals to power the Castleship. Probably other Altean vessels too.

The other three were arguing, but Lance tuned them out. Until they called him over. With a sigh, he moved over to join them. 

“This looks like what happened when Shiro disappeared,” Keith said to him, tracing his fingers over the carving. It wasn’t detailed, but Lance had to admit it looked like it as well. However, it couldn’t be possible.

“There’s no way,” Hunk said. 

“Look,” Keith insisted, pointing at the next set of pictures. They all stepped to the right to peer at the wall. It did, indeed, appear to depict their chase of Lotor in that weird magnetic field. Further pictures to the right showed the subsequent events as well. In fact, the whole wall was a timeline of everything they had done as a team.

“This literally can’t be possible,” Pidge complained, though her voice was quiet, as if in awe. “How could these be here? No one’s been here that we know of, so how could someone carve these?”

“Maybe someone was here?” Hunk asked, sending a nervous glance around the bright cavern. 

Keith’s fingers were tracing the back of the space-whale carving. “There are things on here only we know about though,” he said. “There’s no way someone would have known about this.”

“It doesn’t make sense,” Pidge said, her tone now moving to a frustrated one. Lance knew she hated not being able to solve a problem, and this was something none of them could figure out.

Lance stepped back toward the middle of the cavern, because he saw something he hoped the others wouldn’t notice. It was subtle, but it was there, and he had no idea what to think about it. He wanted to study it closer, but he knew if he did, the others might notice as well, and he certainly did not want to draw attention to it.

Throughout all of the carvings, one thing was consistent whenever the scene depicted him and Keith.

The Blue Paladin was always looking toward the Red.

Whether the head was facing that way, or the whole body. Either way, the Blue always turned to the Red. The Red rarely faced the Blue. Lance could maybe understand if it was only in those scenes once Keith took over Black, but it was also there in the scenes depicting time before they found Blue. Heck, there was even an indication of the Blue Paladin watching the Red on what appeared to be a simulator. The Blue Paladin watching the Red Paladin escorted out of the Garrison.

In short, if you looked at it with knowledge of Lance’s feelings for Keith, it was obvious the Blue Paladin could not take his eyes off the Red.

Throughout the entire cave.

The only scenes where Blue wasn’t turned to Red was when they weren’t together. Times when Keith was off with the Blade.

Lance felt the blood in his body go cold in a way that had nothing to do with the cool temperature of the cavern. He hugged himself, suppressing a shiver, yet still felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. Things were too freaky right now for him to wrap his head around. Someone or something knew not only everything they did as Paladins of Voltron, but also how he felt about Keith.

Allura? She knew everything they had done, but she was gone. Into stardust or some shit. He wasn’t sure she knew how he felt about Keith. He thought she might suspect he felt something for someone, but he hadn’t come out and said it. Besides, if her essence was out righting the wrongs in alternate realities or whatever shit that was when she went with her family and (he shivered again) Zarkon, Honerva, and Lotor, why would she waste time merely to visit Earth and spend...years?...carving all this on these walls.

She probably didn’t even know exactly where this cave was, unless she used her freaky Altean alchemy powers or something.

He had no idea, but the idea _someone_ knew scared the hell out of him. Hunk only found out today. As far as he knew, only his Mamá knew for certain, but Mamá wouldn’t do something like this, nor did she know half of the things that happened to them as Paladins. Lance wasn’t stupid enough to make his poor mother suffer more by knowing the truth about everything he’d been through.

Yeah, really, telling Mamá he died? That would not go over well.

“What is this?”

Keith’s sharp voice broke him out of his thoughts and he glanced over. The others had moved much further down the wall. He found Keith glaring at him. What was that look for? His eyes flickered over to Hunk and Pidge, who were staring at the wall in front of Keith, both wearing frowns. Why did they all look like that?

“Lance,” Keith spoke again and his voice was harsh now, which made Lance wince. Why would Keith speak to him in such an angry tone?

“What?”

“What is this?” Keith repeated, jerking a hand in a clipped gesture at the wall.

“I don’t know. I can’t see it from here.”

“Then get over here. Tell me what this is.”

His tone did not exactly encourage Lance to move quickly. He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and slunk over to the wall, eyes on the floor because Keith’s stare made him uncomfortable.

‘ _Shit_ ,’ he thought when he saw the scene. By now, Hunk and Pidge stared at him, their eyes accusing. He should have thought of this.

The Blue Paladin dead in the Red Lion.

The scene was as clear as reading it in text. 

“Oh,” he said aloud, shuffling his feet. He pulled his right hand from his pocket and lifted it to rub at the back of his neck. Might as well try humor. “Oh, yeah. I-I...uh, yeah.”

“Lance...” and Hunk’s voice made him want to cry.

“That’s me. Dead.”

The other three didn’t say anything for a long minute. The tension was as thick as molasses and Lance felt as if he were staring at the carvings through a dense fog. He cleared his throat, but didn’t elaborate.

“Then these carvings can’t be real,” Pidge said, her voice strained but trying to be humorous. “I mean, you’re not dead, so it didn’t happen. If you were dead, you wouldn’t be standing here.” The little laugh she let out fell flat on the ground, and none of them smiled.

Lance tried to smile, though it felt as if he were stretching his mouth like a rubber band across his skin. “Uh, yeah, about that...”

“What does that mean?” Hunk asked.

“Um. Well. Yeah, I did. I mean, it’s okay now. I was only dead for like a few minutes. Then Allura came and did her voodoo on me and I woke up. Like that,” he said, snapping his fingers. “See, it shows it right here,” he added, waving his hand now to the right. “No biggie.”

“No. Biggie?” Why did Keith sound so mad?

“Nope. Not a big deal. I didn’t even get to see the tunnel of light or whatever, you know. Ha-ha.”

“When was this?” Fuck Hunk sounded as if the world was ending. Lance shuffled his feet more.

“At the Omega shield thing,” he replied, trying for a nonchalant shrug, as if dying were no big deal. “Remember Red got hit with that energy force or whatever it was.”

The three stared at him now, and he almost laughed at their expressions. All open-mouthed and shocked. Like three little fish staring at him from the other side of the glass in an aquarium. He could not take the way they looked at him, so he turned away, or tried. Keith’s hand gripping his wrist stopped him, the contact burning his skin through the sleeve of his shirt.

“You died?” Hunk choked out. He lifted his large hands and covered his face. Pidge’s expression crumpled in a way that broke Lance’s heart. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Keith’s face.

“For just a couple minutes, Hunk.” He tried to make his tone sound reassuring. “Like I said, no big deal. Allura healed me and I’m here now.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell us?” Pidge demanded, her voice now heavy with tears.

“I don’t know. It didn’t seem like a big deal.” How many times did he need to say it? His death would not be a big deal. Just another soldier on the battle lines. Replaceable. “Things happened so fast around that time, I never thought about it.”

“You didn’t think your best friends would want to know this?” God, Hunk had never sounded like this. Keith’s fingers squeezed, pressing unpleasantly into his flesh and digging between his wrist bones.

“I. Didn’t. Completely. Die.” Lance spelled out slowly. “I mean, I did, but I didn’t. It’s okay.”

“Lance, it’s not okay!” Hunk dropped his hands and cried out. Oh shit, now there were tears in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Lance felt backed into a corner. The hot pain of Keith’s fingers gripping so, so tightly; the angry eyes he felt on him burned as badly as Keith’s touch. He pulled uselessly away, but Keith only tightened his grip. He felt the panic he’d been stamping deep down into his soul fight it’s way out, sending his heart racing and causing sweat to suddenly bead up everywhere on his body, as if they were standing next to a lava lake instead of a serene, cool pool of water.

“You were all so busy!” he gasped out.

“Busy?” Pidge screeched. “Too busy to fucking be there for you?”

“I was fine!”

“You died!” she yelled. He had never seen her this angry. “You can’t be okay with that!”

Would Keith let him the fuck go? Honestly? “It didn’t matter!”

“What do you mean it didn’t matter?” Hunk asked.

Fuck, Keith, either say something or go away. “If I died,” he muttered darkly. “I didn’t think it mattered. I didn’t think you cared.”

Oh shit, he had said it. A part, a very small part of him, was sickly satisfied at the hurt on their faces. At least, Hunk and Pidge’s faces. He still couldn’t look at Keith. He pulled again against Keith’s grip, but it remained locked solid. 

“What?” Hunk said and damn the tone he used. Lance felt as if he had kicked a dozen puppies. Never had Hunk sounded so...broken.

“Just forget it,” he snarled, still in a panic. 

“No.” Finally, their great leader spoke and fuck did his voice sound flat. 

“What do you care?” Lance snapped, finally sending a glare in Keith’s direction. His eyes met Keith’s hard stare. “You were off on your space-whale adventure. You’d left us. You obviously didn’t care.”

If his words hurt Keith, he didn’t show it. His expression didn’t change. 

“How-how can you think we wouldn’t care, Lance?” Hunk’s voice dragged his gaze from Keith. 

He became suddenly tired, as the panic subsided. Exhausted from the energy expelled. His body slumped, though his arm remained partially raised in Keith’s grip. “It didn’t seem like you did, then.”

“I don’t understand,” Pidge said. She’d taken off her glasses and stood, rubbing at her eyes with a fist. It reminded him of a child.

Lance made a feeble gesture with his free hand. Fuck, let go, Keith. He was too tired to run now. “You guys were busy and always hanging out.” He was brain-tired from going over this with Hunk already. “When we did hang out, you made fun of me. Teased me about Allura, when it wasn’t even her I...” he paused. He couldn’t reveal that. “I contributed nothing. I was just extra baggage. If I died, no one would care.”

He hated how weak his voice sounded in his ears. Hated that he appeared weak. Hated that Keith’s touch was burning into him, giving him visions of those strong fingers gripping him in a different way in a different context. Hated that he still fucking loved this guy after a lifetime of loving him. 

His stupid pining ass.

Hated the fact that he put stupid fat tears in the eyes of two people he loved. Hated their confused and hurt expressions he caused. Hated the way they couldn’t comprehend the fact their friend was useless.

Then Hunk, emotional and sobbing Hunk, seemed to pull himself together with a deep breath. Calmly, ever so calmly, he closed the space between them and gently put his arms around Lance.

“I didn’t realize earlier it was this bad. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way,” he said and Lance couldn’t believe how even his voice was, because Lance felt wetness from Hunk’s tears begin to soak his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry too,” was Pidge’s watery statement as he felt her thin arm encircle him, her face pressed between him and Hunk. 

It was awkward. Not the dual hug. It wasn’t the first time they’d hugged like this. However, one arm was at a strange angle from his body. Keith still hadn’t let go. Lance, frankly, was now annoyed. The touch still burned and Keith still stared at him with his flat stare. Hunk and Pidge’s hug hadn’t changed that. 

“Is it why you’ve kept yourself away from us for so long?” Pidge asked between sniffs, her voice muffled.

“It’s part of the reason,” Lance mumbled.

“Lance, you’re my best friend,” Hunk said, squeezing hard enough to get a little squeak from Lance. “Ever since the first day we met. How could you think I didn’t care about you?”

Lance’s shrug wasn’t effective; he was essentially trapped in two sets of arms. “You know my brain, Hunk,” was all he said.

“We love you, Buddy. Nothing has changed that.” Hunk loosened his death grip and leaned back, hands sliding to grip Lance’s biceps. “You’ve never been extra baggage and if something happened to you it would devastate all of us.”

Pidge echoed it so fervently that Lance felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes. Shit, he didn’t want to start bawling. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I honestly thought Allura mentioned it, but since no one said anything, I figured no one cared.” After a moment, he added, “I don’t mean to sound like she did anything wrong...”

“We know, Lance,” Pidge said quickly. “We know you wouldn’t talk badly about her.”

“No, it’s not that. I don’t want you mad at her.”

“Of course you don’t,” Pidge agreed. “We’re not mad at her, trust me.”

He was frustrated; because this was the other reason he avoided them all. How they walked on eggshells around the topic of Allura with him. 

“You know, it’s okay to be mad at her,” he said. “I am. All the time.”

He could tell Pidge hadn’t expected that. Hunk, after their talk earlier, wasn’t as surprised, but he still looked shocked Lance had said what he said.

He continued, “You can talk about her to me. It’s really fine. I don’t mind. Yeah, I’m sad she’s gone, she was a good friend. A brave Princess and all. She saved all of us. But I’m still mad at her. She wasn’t perfect. She’d be the first one to tell you she wasn’t.”

‘ _Jesus, Keith, if you keep holding on like this, I better expect a fucking engagement ring.’_

“Friend?” Pidge said, her brows scrunching together. 

“Friend,” he repeated. 

“I thought...”

“We tried. It didn’t work. We weren’t right for each other.” Another wave of exhaustion rolled over him. He wished Blue were here. He’d crawl into her; away from their energy-sucking stares and sleep in bliss on Blue’s comfortable chair. It sounded so nice. He sighed, mustering up the energy to add, “That’s why I’m mad at her. These fucking marks. She gave them to me knowing we were done. I don’t understand. I hate them.”

He looked at the wall, unable to look any of them in the eye as he said the next thing. “Sometimes I hate her for this.”

They all stood silent, all still connected in some way. Pidge’s arms still around his and Hunk’s waists, Hunk’s hands still on his upper arms, Keith’s hand still holding his wrist in an iron grip. The drip of water sounded loud in the sudden quiet, a slow and steady rhythm marking the passage of time in that sacred place. Sacred to the four of them, the place where their adventure had begun. 

Then Hunk shook him a little. “It’s okay to be mad at her, Lance. You’re right. She wasn’t perfect, and I don’t think she expected us to think of her that way. I can’t tell you why she gave you the marks. Maybe someday you’ll know. And you didn’t love each other, at least not in the way we all thought.”

“I did love her,” Lance said. “And she loved me. We just. We knew we weren’t in love with each other.”

Hunk finally smiled at him and he could feel a smile creep over his own face. Rusty, from disuse, like his laugh. It hurt, because it wasn’t a fake smile. The fake one slipped easily onto his face with no effort – an automatic response honed since childhood to deflect anyone finding out his insecurity. The real one required effort. This one slipped onto his face, shaking off the dust and painting itself in his eyes. Hunk hugged him again, tighter this time, and Pidge wedged herself in again. 

He turned his head slightly to look at Keith, who still hadn’t let go, who still hadn’t said much of anything. He didn’t look angry or stone-faced. If anything, he looked thoughtful as he stared at the scene on the wall. Lance wished, as he often wished, that he could read Keith’s mind.

They broke apart awkwardly. Lance suspected he would have a few more heart-to-hearts with both Pidge and Hunk. There was much left unsaid, but the weight lifted off his shoulders felt like it would lift him from the ground - if it hadn’t been for the tether that was Keith. There were some eyes wiped free of tears, but they all stepped away from each other, murmuring things that were hard for each other to hear.

He soon stood alone with Keith. The pain in his arm subsided, but not because Keith let go. One can get used to anything, even the heat of the touch of the person you loved. 

“Can I have my arm back?” he asked.

Keith blinked slowly a few times, then looked down. With a jerk, he snatched his hand back. “S-sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Lance said, shaking some feeling back into his hand. Jesus, did Keith have a death grip. He knew Keith was strong, but damn. Please leave, thought about Keith holding his wrists down in a more horizontal position.

“Did you really think we don’t care?”

Lance almost thought he misheard Keith. The voice was so quiet, quieter than the drip of water across the lake. “Huh?”

“Did you really think we don’t care? That I didn’t care?”

“You were gone, Keith. What was I supposed to think?” he said, his tone weary. His emotions lay scattered on the ground, oozing their way toward the lake, leaving him drained.

“I left for you.”

Lance felt his whole body stiffen. He kept his gaze glued to the scene in front of him, his death. Looking at it in this abstract way felt surreal, as if it didn’t happen. He let the terror from the moment skim over him. The terror that hit him when he realized what happened when he woke up. Or came alive again, to put it accurately. He focused on those emotions - terror, sadness, elation, abandonment - everything that came from his moment of death. Because he didn’t want to contemplate what Keith meant.

“Did you hear me?”

“I heard you,” he said, then reached up to wipe at his face. “Are you blaming your leaving Voltron on me?”

“Blame? What? No!”

“It sounds like it.”

“That’s...that’s not how I meant it. Fuck, Lance,” Keith growled. He sounded frustrated.

“Blame me if you want. I’m used to it. A lot of shit that happened...a lot of the bad shit. It was all my fault. I was a screw-up, Keith.”

“No, you weren’t!”

He laughed, with little amusement to the sound. “You can’t sugarcoat things, Keith.” He brought his arms up to cross at his chest. “Yeah, the team may have loved me,” he added, pulling one hand out of the cross to gesture at Hunk and Pidge further down the wall. “But, I have no illusions about my abilities. Or lack of.”

“You’re not making sense.”

“I’m making perfect sense,” he argued, feeling a little of his energy return. That’s how their dynamic worked. They functioned better arguing. “I brought little to the team. I’m not a techie, I’m not a problem solver, I’m not a leader, I’m not a diplomat, I’m not even that great of a pilot. I was replaceable on the team.”

“How can you say that?” Why did Keith’s voice sound so wrecked?

“Cause it’s the truth?” Lance asked. “I did nothing spectacular!”

Keith struggled. Lance could see it, and he knew Keith wasn’t the best at expressing what he thought. It was one of the million things that endeared him to Lance. Lance knew...he _knew_...there was emotion - hurt, joy, love, and everything else - simmering under his mop of dark hair. You could read it in Keith’s eyes at times. His leader just couldn’t say it. A poet trapped in a prose body, so to speak. Or rather, a poet and a prose trapped in a mute body would be more accurate.

“You are our heart, Lance,” Keith said and rendered Lance speechless.

He stared at Keith, unconsciously mimicking the way the three stared at him earlier. Mouth open and closing, eyes wide. 

Keith frowned, turning his gaze to the floor of the cave. His hands hung at his sides, clenched in fists and Lance’s eyes darted back and forth between Keith’s hands, stupidly imagining they might lift and punch him.

“We couldn’t lose our heart,” Keith grated out between his clenched teeth. “I left to keep you there.”

“I-I don’t understand,” Lance said when his vocal cords decided to work again.

“You were right that day. That day you came to me when Shiro came back. There were too many Paladins. I was the expendable one. I couldn’t lead. Shiro was the leader. I didn’t want to push you out of Red. Red bonded with you. He liked…no…he loved you. He told me so.” Lance felt the tears sting again. “How-How can you say you weren’t worthy as a Paladin? Two lions chose you, Lance.”

“Two lions chose you, too! You weren’t expendable!” Lance said, his voice low in shock. “You were the best Paladin!”

“No, I wasn’t. You said if often enough. I was a hothead and a bad leader. I didn’t listen, I made bad choices...”

“Keith,” Lance interrupted. “I never meant it. You were...you are...a great leader. I mean, yeah, there were mistakes, but you learned from them. You listened when it was important.”

“Still. I saw you as a better fit for Red. I knew I could do important work with the Blade.”

“But you left your family.” Shit, he was treading dangerous territory now. He knew it. He couldn’t let the lingering hurt over Keith leaving, even after all this time, show. He could hear the distress in his own voice. 

“I didn’t have a family, Lance. I hadn’t since my Dad died.”

“We are your family,” he insisted. Lance may be unhappy, but it killed him to think Keith thought this way. Ironic, when one thinks about it, that they thought the same things, but it hurt Lance more that Keith felt this way than it did for him to feel it.

“I know that now,” Keith said, his eyes still on the carving, seemingly fixed on the one showing Allura bringing Lance back to life. Because they all had to admit, the carvings depicted them. If Lance and Allura were the only ones who knew Lance died, then the carvings were definitely them.

“Guys!” Pidge suddenly yelled. “Come here!”

“Holy sh-“ Hunk began, then stopped himself. “Holy mackerel! You won’t believe this.”

Lance and Keith glanced at each other, both of their eyes filled with anguish and the shadows of things unsaid. Keith frowned, then turned to stride over to the others, Lance followed, slinking along behind him.

“What is it, Pidge?” Keith asked, his voice almost back to normal. 

Without a word, she gestured to the wall. There, depicted clear as day, was the four of them looking at the walls of the cavern. 

Lance stared in shock and Keith stumbled back a few steps. “How is this possible?” he gasped. Lance rarely heard Keith so shaken.

“Guys, this is some freaky, Twilight Zone level stuff,” Hunk said. His tone dripped with terror and he hunched over himself. He’d regressed back to seventeen-year-old Hunk from the night they all snuck out. 

“There’s no way this is real,” Pidge said, her voice nearly crackling with nervousness. She stepped up to the walls and ran her finger over the figure of herself depicted there. 

“Who did this? Did someone sneak in here for some elaborate joke?” Keith asked. It seemed as if the supernatural occurrence here had thrown him out of his usual demeanor. 

“It’s not a joke,” Pidge answered. “No one’s been here since. And how can they have known some of these things?” She gestured back along the wall they’d already seen. “Some of this is stuff only us Paladins would know. Or Allura and Coran. Coran wouldn’t do this to us, and Allura…” she stopped herself, shooting Lance a guilty look. He frowned at her.

“Look at this,” Hunk said and the other three followed him back along the wall to the left. If it followed the timeline around the cavern, that section would cover their return to earth to this moment. Hunk was gazing at a spot on the wall, below the other carvings, at what looked like him and what looked like Shay. The figures held hands and appeared entwined with string looped around them. “This is all about when we came back to Earth. Whoever it was knew Shay and I loved each other.”

Lance reached up to press a palm against his forehead. The headache that threatened him all day throbbed out full force and he closed his eyes against the pressure. He didn’t need this. They were looking at the carvings closer. Scrutinizing them. He knew if the carvings showed Hunk in love with Shay, it would prove what he said about not being in love with Allura. These damn things already knew he was in love with Keith.

“Lance?”

“It’s okay, Keith.”

Lance sighed and turned away from them. He didn’t want to see any more. Keith stared at him as he walked past the former leader. Lance only saw the stare from the corner of his eye. He couldn’t look at Keith directly.

“Lance?” Pidge called, but he ignored her. Yes, he had told them he and Allura weren’t in love with each other, but seeing his actual feelings carved on the wall was too much. The foolishness and disasters of their return to Earth laid bare for them to see. Who the fuck focuses on dating when the universe needed saving? Who is pathetic enough to hope Keith would prevent his date with Allura to have some super-romantic confession atop the black lion and live happily ever after?

Yeah. Pathetic.

“Lance!” she yelled, her tone more demanding. Hunk murmured something to her, laying his hand on her arm. 

He stopped, arms crossed now, and closed his eyes, tipping his head back and struggling not to cry. He could be sitting in the middle of his fucking field of juniberries right now, instead of here looking at his trials with Voltron, his pointless love for Keith, and his failures as Allura’s boyfriend displayed for his closest friends to see. Living through all this was bad enough, but seeing it plainly spelled out drove home the thought that he was never good enough.

He dropped his head back down, chin on his chest and opened his eyes. The ground glowed in the light of the carvings. Without thinking about it, he swiveled his head to look at the wall next to him. This section should be the future.

There was Shiro with a carving of Chris? No, he remembered, Curtis, arm in arm, on the Atlas. Three children and that looping string surrounded them.

There was Hunk with Shay, again. One child in her arms and the string. They must adopt, Lance thought absently. Or maybe they’d be compatible.

Pidge with two someones. He couldn’t tell who or what they were. He didn’t want to make assumptions, but they were surrounded by string.

Coran was also there, one hand lifted to his mustache, standing in the middle, yet seeming to beam at all of the Paladins around him.

Then his mouth went dry.

The Blue and Red Paladins standing together. Close together. Wrapped in the mystical looking string. Two children by their sides. It wasn’t possible.

Above all, the image of Allura, watching over them with a benevolent smile.

His hands dropped to his sides as he stared. Nothing else in the cavern registered with him at that moment. The soft drip of water. The arguing off to the left between Pidge and Hunk. The deliberate steps toward him. Nothing made sense. He and Keith weren’t together – would never be together. Keith was off with the Blade, probably having adventure after adventure. Lance couldn’t even imagine that Keith stayed celibate on his travels either and he felt a sad stab of jealousy for this faceless lover or lovers. He had no idea – it wasn’t something discussed at the reunions.

Why would whoever carved all this shit depict them as a pair? A pair with a family?

Yet Shiro and Kirk - no, Curtis - were together. They were engaged. The invite hung on Lance’s fridge back home and he remembered putting the date in his communication device. 

Hunk and Shay were together too. Not married or engaged, but Lance knew it was simply a matter of time. Hunk was completely smitten, as was Shay. 

Pidge? Well, who knew with Pidge.

But this? Him and Keith? How? He’d never tell Keith how he felt, because he knew Keith didn’t feel the same. Why would Lance humiliate himself? To see Keith laugh at how pathetic he was? To pine after the same fucking person for over a decade? Or however long it had been since the day in the Garrison when Keith fought with James? 

Reality started pressing into his mind again. He couldn’t let the others see this. How the fuck could he hide it? He started to turn to look for something – anything – he could use to chisel this off the walls, but he only saw Keith, who silently (or maybe not so silently) moved to stand next to him. He bumped into Keith and jumped back with a yelp.

“Sorry,” Keith said. “I thought you knew I was here.”

But Keith wasn’t looking at Lance. He was staring at the wall.

 _‘Oh, fuck, why isn’t Blue here?’_ he thought again desperately. He’d give anything to hide in her. Crawl in her and urge her to escape. Once again take him through a wormhole – only this time alone to never return. He wished he were back with his Blue, wherever she was. 

Lance backed away a couple of steps, putting more distance between them. Keith didn’t move, his eyes glued to the carvings in front of him.

“I can explain.”

Did Lance say that? Did he want to explain? No. How the fuck could he explain this?

“I thought you loved Allura,” Keith said softly.

Lance looked around. He noticed Pidge and Hunk standing where he’d left them, but both were quiet now, staring back at him. Hunk nudged Pidge and, when she looked at him, he pointed toward the back of the cave, near where they descended. She nodded and they quickly made their escape.

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“Back then. Allura. I thought you loved her.”

“I did. I do. Sh-sh-she was a good friend.”

“Friend…” Keith repeated, his voice barely audible.

They didn’t say anything for the longest time. Lance counted exactly eighty-six drips from that damn source. He had to focus on something. 

“I thought it wasn’t true,” Keith muttered, as if to himself. 

“What?”

“My visions. I thought they weren’t true.”

“Ha-ha. Visions?” Lance asked, his voice shaky. “You’re having visions, mullet? You should get that head of yours checked.”

“Mmm…” Keith hummed, as if he hadn’t heard Lance. He stepped closer to the wall, lifting a hand to touch the carving of the two of them. He gently traced it with trembling fingers, lingering on the lines that represented Lance, then paused, his palm pressed firmly on the two children. “It came true.”

Lance could not handle this. Keith’s voice held the same shaky timbre Lance’s did, but he also sounded so awed and reverent. Almost as if he worshipped this ancient carving as early hominids worshipped carved idols. He backed away more, his panic starting to rise again. It choked him and made it difficult to breathe. He was not ready to face this. He was not ready to face Keith. He didn’t know why his Mamá thought this trip would be good for him. It wasn’t. Limiting his visits to once a year with the other Paladins – where they celebrated Allura and didn’t concentrate on him – that was doable. 

The reunions were so generic. How are you? What’s the year brought you? The others were always so busy they took up most of the time talking about their exploits. It left no time for Lance, and he was okay with that. It meant he didn’t have to emote or put on the old act or pretend too much. A smile and nod – all they required. Nothing more.

This. This was facing emotions, old hurts, and this god damned crush he felt he’d had forever. Crush? Ha! Laughable. Keith was the love of his life. No one compared to him and it was like that from the first god damned punch he threw at James’ smug face. An enthralled fifteen-year-old Lance couldn’t comprehend the feelings coursing through his heart – feelings that began the moment he first saw Keith and bloomed the longer he knew him. 

The whirlwind of yearning and confusion and heated blood and lost breath every time he saw or stood near Keith. The ache when Keith left. The slump in his grades after Keith disappeared. The way he couldn’t concentrate on anything. Lance couldn’t put a name to it.

Until that fucking bonding moment. That’s when he knew for certain. That’s when he panicked. He couldn’t love Keith, could he? They were both guys. Yes, logically he knew love knew no gender, but he always thought he liked only girls. But Keith was gorgeous. Brave. Steadfast. Loyal. Talented. 

It only got worse as they got closer. Lance was able to see past the walls Keith erected. When he saw Keith vulnerable, he knew he was completely fucked. It wasn’t a schoolboy crush. This young man owned his very soul and didn’t know it! Lance would do anything for Keith and, once he realized it, decided to tell him. Only to have Keith disappear. Off to the Blades.

A clearer message couldn’t have been delivered if Keith rented a stadium billboard to display in huge letters “I DON’T LIKE YOU BACK!”. If Keith truly cared about Lance in return, their friendship could have grown, possibly blossomed into something more. 

But Keith left him.

And ignored him and treated him like dirt when he came back. That game show thing? The fucking game show, which made him look like a total idiot. He practically confessed what he felt to Keith, only to have Keith grumpily tell the entire universe he wanted Lance out so he wouldn’t have to spend eternity with him.

That was a clearer message than Keith leaving was.

No matter that it ripped Lance’s heart out of his chest and tossed it into the vat of acid, or whatever it was, Bob had on the stage. 

Why else would he have responded to Allura? If he couldn’t have Keith, at least Allura needed him. Lance liked to feel needed. He thought Keith needed him, but apparently not. That was okay. He helped Allura, even though they didn’t love each other. 

“You’re looking at me in every carving of us.”

Fuck, he’d noticed. The only thing he hoped no one noticed. At least this future vision could be dismissed. Couldn’t it? Sure, the mysterious carver got everything else right, but surely they didn’t get this right. He couldn’t deny, though, the carvings of things they’d done. It was all accurate, so why would the ones of him always looking toward Keith be wrong?

“You’re our leader,” he said, hoping that was sufficient.

“Not in the beginning.”

 _Shit_.

“Uh…”

It was too much. He spun and started to stride toward where Pidge and Hunk had disappeared to – the ropes hanging down from the ceiling. He didn’t care. The other three could cram into an ATV together. He was taking one and going back. He’d hide in Vero’s room until he could convince someone to take him home. He didn’t care whom. He couldn’t face Keith. He couldn’t face Pidge or Hunk. He longed to bury his face in those fucking flowers and never think of anything again. 

“Lance…” and he stopped because of the hand around his wrist. Not this again. What, did Keith have a fetish for wrists?

“Let me go, Keith,” he said, eyes firmly fixed on the cave floor. 

“Not again.”

He pulled, though he knew it was useless. Didn’t he try before?

“Keith, just stop.”

“You didn’t love Allura?”

He pulled again. Fuck. His free hand lifted to pinch the bridge of his nose. He needed some migraine meds or something. “I went over this. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“No. I’ve let you avoid this too long, Lance.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Keith? Cause I’m about two seconds away from my head exploding from this migraine.”

“You avoid us. You avoid me.”

“I don’t have the energy to do this.”

“I don’t care.”

“Nice, you asshole. I told you you didn’t care.”

“Stop twisting my fucking words, Lance!” Keith yelled, startling him. Keith was a hothead, to be sure. Or, he used to be, but he rarely yelled like that. Not for a long time. Not since the beginning of Voltron and Lance almost laughed from the memory of their fights.

“I’m not.”

“Explain what the hell is in your head?”

“Nothing. That’s the problem.”

Keith sighed and shook his head. He didn’t say anything for a moment; he merely dropped his gaze to the ground and chewed on his lip. Lance knew he was thinking hard about his words. “I don’t know what to say to make you believe this team cares about you and misses you, but that’s not what I need you to tell me now.”

“What do you want me to tell you, then?”

“If you didn’t love Allura, why did you say you did? Why did you…why did you date her?”

Lance thought about what to say. He could lie. It’s not as if he wasn’t experienced with that. Or rather, with hiding how he felt. Or hiding how insecure he was. Or hiding how much it hurt him when the others ignored him. Or hiding how much he hurt during the whole time as part of Voltron. He was tired of lying, though. What did it matter anyway? Could he tell Keith the truth? He never saw Keith anymore. Once a year and, of course, this disaster of a visit to the Garrison. As much as he felt it would disrespect Allura, and disappoint Coran, he could refuse to go to New Altea for the next reunion. 

Which is what he’d have to do if he were honest. He’d never be able to face Keith again. It didn’t matter that they were carved into the wall – together. It wasn’t going to happen. He’d be alone the rest of his life, tending to Allura’s cursed flowers and rotting away slowly on that damned farm.

“I couldn’t be with the one I wanted. The one I needed. He…they rejected me. Allura was there. She was pretty, and had just gotten hurt by Lotor. We decided to try.”

“What happened?”

Lance sighed, “We knew it. I told Hunk this already. I don’t want to go over it again. Our relationship started falling apart the minute we decided to have one.”

“You looked happy.”

“Not if you looked close.”

“Who was the one you wanted? Who rejected you?”

The question. Somehow, Lance knew he’d face this at some point on this trip. He shook his head, pressing his lips together. Keith still stared at the ground, waiting for his answer. It felt as if his whole life focused on this moment. Like he’d been in an out of control spiral that kept him confused and dizzy and light-headed. Like spinning on a merry go round which went faster and faster until you felt sick to your stomach and feared you’d fly off.

Then it stopped. As if some giant hand had poked its finger into the spinning playground ride and stopped it cold. Everything in Lance’s existence felt as if it stopped.

“You’re stupid if you don’t know.”

His voice sounded so bitter to his own ears. He struggled to breathe, because he now felt as if he were dropped into the lake and left to drown. He couldn’t hear anything, not even that damned annoying drip. Two warm paths on his cheeks made him realize he was crying and his self-loathing increased. Fuck this.

He pulled his arm again and it surprised him when it slipped easily out of Keith’s grip. He really didn’t care. He let Lance go, probably disgusted at his weakness. Or perhaps it was pity. At this point, Lance was done. 

He turned again, straightening his spine to walk away, because damned if he wasn’t going to keep his dignity at least. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Keith’s voice sounded…broken? He’d never heard that particular tone from Keith, and it made him pause in his first step away. 

“There wasn’t a point.”

“How can you say that?!” Keith yelled, making Lance jump and spin around. Keith looked furious, his face flushed and his eyes now glared at Lance – flashing yellowish in the light of the cave and, Jesus Christ, were those fangs Keith bared? Holy fuck! Lance cringed back a step. 

“Because there wasn’t!” he cried, stepping another step back, because Keith moved a step toward him with his fists clenched at his sides.

“You fucking asshole!”

His hands came up in defense, not that he could do anything against Keith’s strength. If Keith attacked him, he knew he was screwed. “Keith!”

“No fucking point?!” Lance scrambled back as Keith advanced toward him. Was he growling? “You-You…” he sputtered, unable to form a coherent sentence. “You _felt_ something for me and never said anything!?”

“Of course I didn’t!”

“Why?!”

Lance stopped to stand his ground. He knew he’d regret it, because he was dead if Keith caught him. Keith looked so angry Lance feared for his life, but maybe death was better than this soul ache he lived through every minute. “So I could be rejected and tossed aside? Laughed at even more by my teammates?” he demanded with a vague gesture in the direction Hunk and Pidge went. “Have you look at me with disgust? Or pity?”

“How long?”

“How long what?”

“How long have you felt this way? How long have you liked me?”

“Liked you?” Lance asked, letting out an exasperated sound between a huff and a bark of bitter laughter. “You stupid idiot! I don’t fucking like you, asshole.”

Keith’s features returned to normal, almost. The yellow eyes and fangs seemed to melt away as his eyes widened. “I-I thought that’s what you meant.”

Lance wanted to shout more, but his exhaustion overwhelmed him again, settling over him like a heavy blanket. His whole posture drooped. So much for dignity. “I don’t like you,” and his voice was quiet, wet and heavy with sadness and embarrassment. “I love you.” He laughed, then, at himself. God, he was pathetic. “Love. Ha. Like what I feel for you can be put in one small word like that.”

“You love me?”

“Don’t make me say it again.”

“How long?”

“Forever?” Lance said it as more of a question. Keith looked away from him, back towards the wall where that fucking depiction of them together was. Lance turned away again. Time to get back to his farm and his shitty life. Walk away from his friends and isolate himself once more.

Only. 

A sob behind him made him spin back around. He stared aghast at Keith, bent over now, hands over his face. Lance hesitated a moment. His first instinct was to rush over to Keith, put his arms around him, and comfort him. He held back, though he did take a couple of steps closer. “Keith?”

Another sob, muffled now as Keith dropped to his knees, curling into a ball as if he were a hurt child. No matter what Lance felt at the moment, he hated seeing people he cared about hurt. Another couple of steps, one hand lifted before he stopped. “Keith?”

“I hate you!” Keith’s voice was choked and hard to understand through his hands. “I hate you…”

Lance felt cold now. He knew Keith didn’t return his feelings, but he didn’t expect hatred. He didn’t know what to say or why Keith broke down like this. The man was shaking and crying – that ugly crying you did when your whole life crashed down around you. “Okay. Okay.” It was all his short-circuiting brain could come up with. “Uh. I. Guess. I guess I should expect that.”

“No. No. No.” Keith lifted his head from his hands and Lance’s heart broke at how anguished his expression was. Tears and snot streaked down his face as he glared at Lance. “You don’t understand.” He sniffed and roughly rubbed his arm over his face, leaving it red and more of a mess. “You wasted so much time. I hate you for that.”

Lance always scoffed at novels that described someone’s mind going blank. It wasn’t possible, in his opinion. Your mind, technically, was always working. Always thinking. It was never blank. Until now. His was a blank slate with nothing there to offer. He couldn’t process what Keith said. It was overload and he didn’t understand anything. He barely could feel anything, emotionally or physically. He could only focus on Keith, whose expression changed in front of him, and a sound burst from him that sounded like laughter.

A laughter choked with tears.

It reminded Lance of one time with his nephew. Sylvio was around three years old and got angry with everyone in the way a three-year-old can do. He was bent on being angry at whatever it was, and crying about it. Lance, being the favorite Uncle of the little boy, was trying to get him to snap out of it by making him laugh. Sylvio sat for fifteen minutes doing this mixture of crying and laughing that had the whole family shrieking with laughter. It was ‘hahahahahahaha’ then ‘wah wah wah wah’ then ‘hahahahahaha’ over and over and the more they laughed the madder the little boy got. Lance had never seen anything funnier than that.

This. This was the same, only it wasn’t funny. Why the fuck was Keith laughing and crying at the same time? Lance felt lost.

“The-the l-l-l-look on your face,” Keith chortled and wiped his arm across his face again. 

“Fuck you.”

The sharply-spoken, short phrase seemed to snap Keith out of it. At least get his hysterical laughter to subside. His face was blotchy and tear-stained, but smiling. Lance felt his anger growing, replacing the exhaustive lethargy he’d felt almost all day. It made his stomach turn from the rush of emotion he hadn’t felt in so long.

Keith, however, raised his hands in a placating gesture in front of him, grinning up at Lance from the ground. “Is that any way to talk to the man who loves you?”

“I’ll talk any fucking way I want to you, you fucking asshole! Laughing at me and my feel-“ he broke off. Keith was laughing again and a stab of anger struck Lance at how Keith could look gorgeous even with red eyes, splotchy face, and messed up hair. He felt all the blood drain from his face as Keith’s words caught up to him in his head. “What?”

“I love you too, you stupid idiot. I have forever.”

“Forever?” Lance repeated.

“Forever. Since we were kids.”

“Kids?”

“At the Garrison. You were so funny. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

“Couldn’t. Eyes? Me?”

“I can’t believe Shiro wants you to do diplomatic work. You’re so eloquent.”

Lance was done. His nerves were shot and his brain was a limp pile of noodles in his skull. Nothing was working and he was so fucking pissed at everything. Pissed at his mother for pushing him to come. Pissed at Pidge and Hunk for ignoring him for years. Pissed at Keith for toying with him, friending him, leaving him, messing with his emotions until his entire nervous system lay bare and scrubbed raw. 

He stomped over to Keith now, hands clenched and his eyes flashing the fire that usually possessed Keith’s. He saw Keith flinch slightly, but he didn’t move from his spot, nor did the smile falter. He looked almost serene as he watched Lance bear down on him.

“You have a fucking nerve,” Lance growled, shoving a finger into Keith’s face. “I don’t need your fucking lies or your insults or your-your-your…”

Only he couldn’t finish his sentence. Keith grabbed the hand pointing the finger in his face and yanked hard enough for Lance to fall practically on top of him. It was weird and awkward as Keith got his arms around Lance, pressing his face into Lance’s shoulder. Lance had no idea where his own arms should go and his legs splayed at uncomfortable angles from his body, but he barely registered it. Keith clung to him as no one ever had – tight enough to cause pain as fingers dug into his back against his old scar. 

“I love you, Lance,” Keith mumbled into the fabric of his shirt. “I love you I love you I love you.” It was akin to a religious chant, in a reverent and awed voice, strained with longing and melted despair. 

“Keith…”

“I can’t believe this. I just can’t.” All traces of laughter were gone from Keith’s voice. He sounded wrecked. “It was true. It was all true.”

“What was true?” He found he could focus on details, because his mind couldn’t process what Keith said about loving him. The feather-light touch of Keith’s hair against his cheek. The smell of old dust that hung in the air of the cave. The slight taste of acid in his mouth from all the anxiety churning in his gut. The play of light on the wall behind Keith and how it dappled and shifted as if reflecting from water instead of glowing from the wall. The loudness of the silence in the cavern, punctuated by Keith’s ragged breathing.

Keith didn’t answer the question. He pulled back to look at Lance and he looked so…soft. Lance’s breath caught and he felt all the anger drain from him. How could he help it when Keith looked at him like that? 

“You fucking asshole,” Keith muttered, though his tone was fond and playful – nothing Lance thought he should hear at this moment. He slapped his hands over Lance’s cheeks and yanked him forward, crashing their mouths together so painfully Lance whined against Keith’s lips. Keith kissed him with such hunger and need that Lance flailed his arms around a moment before landing them on Keith’s forearms. He couldn’t respond as Keith practically swallowed him (at least it felt like it), smooshing their noses together, biting and licking into his mouth for all he was worth.

The points of Keith’s fingers pressed into his skull, drawing his focus from the hot mouth attached to his. What the fuck was going on? Keith loved him? Keith was fucking kissing him with a fire and passion that overwhelmed him. He sat there, passively holding on to Keith’s arms without responding. He couldn’t. He was in shock. 

Another bite to his lower lip. “Why aren’t you kissing back?” Keith asked. He sounded desperate as he panted out the question.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Kissing you, you ass. You said you loved me.”

“Keith…” Lance said, and though it almost physically hurt him, he pushed against Keith’s arms, moving him back a little so they could look at each other. “Keith…”

“Lance,” and oh fuck the way Keith said his name shot straight down between his legs and he bit back a groan. No time for that. He needed answers.

“Keith. Use your words.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just. I don’t know. So overwhelmed. I’ve wanted you to love me for so long. So long.” He choked on the last two words.

“You did?”

“And you do. You did. I-I feel like I’m crazy, like I can’t make sense of anything. I keep thinking something will happen and I’ll wake back up on that fucking whale. Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You didn’t tell me,” Lance accused.

“You never showed interest.”

“I showed interest all the time!”

“Not in me. Not like you did Allura. Or any other female we saw.”

“You’re too good for me.”

“You love me?”

“You love me?”

“More than my life,” Keith sobbed. “Tell me how long again?”

“Before you were kicked out.”

“All that fucking wasted time.”

“You should have said something.”

“So should you.”

They stared at each other with hard and angry expressions after the incoherent exchange. Tears trickled down Keith’s cheeks again, and Lance knew his own were falling. Then he cracked, and for a brief moment, a feeling of hilarity jolted through him enough to make him bark out a short laugh. It startled Keith, whose own face broke as well, and he laughed through the tears. His laughter encompassed him, made his eyes bright. Lance had never seen Keith shine like that. Hadn’t heard Keith laugh like that in the longest time. It was infectious and impossible not to join in. 

What they were laughing about, Lance couldn’t tell. The ridiculousness of the situation? The fact they were both stupid idiots? The release of bottled up emotions crashing together like the waves against the shore during a storm? All of those? The crinkled laugh lines on the sides of Keith’s eyes melted his heart in the best way and lifted his soul to the heavens. He hadn’t felt this light ever in his life.

Their laughter died down after a few moments, into small gasps for air and rapid blinking to clear tears out of eyes. The amusement didn’t die. If anything, the laugh lines deepened as Keith smiled at him with the fondest expression – an expression Lance only dreamed about in the deepest part of his heart.

“You love me?” 

“Why do you sound like you don’t believe it?” Keith asked. He lifted a hand again to feather his fingers through Lance’s bangs, his gaze lifting briefly to track the movement before dropping back to look into Lance’s eyes. 

“I don’t. This can’t possibly be real.”

“The writing is on the wall, Lance,” Keith said, glancing up at the wall next to them. Lance followed his gaze and looked again at the glyph. He saw it in a new light, now – glowing red for Keith and blue for him, mixing to purple between. The children around them were purple. “This is the future I saw for us. Here and in my visions.”

“What visions?”

“On the space-whale. There were visions. Of my past and my future.” His voice was thoughtful. “I thought I saw my future.”

“That’s crazy,” Lance said. “No one can do that.”

“After everything we’ve seen, you doubt it? Some things I saw did happen afterwards. Like my fight with Shiro. It made me think they were real, but I saw visions of us. You and me together. There were kids. I couldn’t believe it. I never thought it would come true. I couldn’t wait to come back to you, but you were always in love with Allura.”

“I flirted with Allura. There’s a big difference.”

“Not to me,” he said, turning to look back at Lance, as Lance shifted himself to a more comfortable position. “Sorry. I got carried away.” Keith looked down at the front of Lance’s shirt where his hands rested, fingers curled to bunch up the fabric. “Not to me. It hurt to see you do it. Flirt with her. With the girl who stole the lion. Any female, really. Never me.”

“I thought you couldn’t stand me.”

“Why would you think that?”

“You ignored me at school. I tried to talk to you one day and you ignored me,” Lance said. 

“I wasn’t good with making friends.”

 _‘No,_ ’ Lance thought. _‘He really isn’t.’_ He sighed, his hands now cradling Keith’s elbows. He sat back on his heels, getting a better look at the man in front of him. Tearstains tracked down his cheeks, highlighting on one side the scar, which somehow made Keith hotter than before he got it. His hair was longer – Lance hadn’t noticed it before. It had been in a ponytail, but escaped from it during their unexpected burst of passion. 

_Their_ passion. A short burst, like the summer rains that suddenly whipped up off the ocean in Cuba – a result of humidity clashing with warm fronts moving across the Caribbean. They lasted ten minutes and were gone, skittering across the waves and leaving rain-washed sunshine in their wake. But in Cuba, the aftermath felt fresh and clear. Right now he felt weighed down with unsaid things and confusion. 

“You really saw visions of us?”

“Mhm,” Keith said with a sharp nod. “They were hazy and unclear. Well, some were sharp. The clearer they were, the shorter they were. I saw you making dinner, once. In an apron with a little boy that looked like me next to you, tugging on your shirt. I saw you naked and covered in sweat under me.” Lance blushed. “I saw you giving me a ring,” he added, the hand that would wear this future ring twitching against Lance’s chest. “I saw all these little things and knew they hadn’t happened.” A hand moved to cover his face. “God, how I wanted it.”

“But, you seemed to hate me more when you got back. You pushed me aside when all I wanted was to hug you.”

“I regret that. I was in a hurry and seeing you short-circuited my brain. I panicked.”

Lance could understand. How many times had his brain done the same when he saw Keith? He reminded himself Keith was on the whale for two years. So, while it was a short time between the times he’d seen Keith, it was over two years for Keith. “Did I change so much?”

“Yes and no.”

“What about the game show?” Lance asked.

“The game show wasn’t real.”

“It might not have been. It might have been. So what? Either way, you wanted to get rid of me because you couldn’t stand to be with me for all eternity.” It had been years, but the bitterness of the sting clung to Lance like a thick cobweb.

Keith looked at him, dropping his hand to Lance’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean it. I panicked.”

“You panic a lot.”

“Where you’re concerned, I do,” Keith admitted.

“Nice. Do you know how messed up it made me? It convinced me you hated me. That’s why I went for Allura.”

Keith’s head dropped, breaking their eye contact. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did. Not that way. That fucker was annoying me. I-I wanted you to go because I knew you missed your family. I had nothing to go back to, but you did. It meant more to you to get out. I was scared. I thought if I showed how much I cared, they’d not let you go. I knew if you went - I knew you could handle it. Things here on Earth. I knew you’d find your way home and continue with Voltron. I knew it. You’re so smart and you can get people to like and trust you. Out of everyone, I had faith you’d be the best choice.”

Lance listened, stunned, to this. It was the most, he thought, he’d heard Keith say in one go. 

“But most of all, I couldn’t stand to watch you for an eternity. Watch your spark die. Watch you wither away without your family. So as much as it would kill me to never see you again, I couldn’t do that to you. I let you go so you could be happy.”

“I couldn’t be happy without you,” Lance immediately said.

“I wouldn’t have been happy, but I’d have been okay knowing you got away.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Cause I’m stupid.”

Keith jerked his head up, a retort dying on his lips. Lance was smiling at him now. Keith stared, in awe, his mouth dropped slightly open. Keith’s skin looked blotchy and pale, tear-streaked and washed out from the lights in the cavern, and Lance thought he never looked so beautiful. He reached up to Keith’s face with both hands, cradling his cheeks and pressing his fingers into the skin by Keith’s ears. He let out a faint laugh at the way Keith’s face scrunched up under his palms.

“You’re not stupid,” Keith insisted, his voice muffled slightly because Lance was squishing his face.

“I can be as stupid as anyone,” Lance said. “But I think I’m wising up now.” He studied Keith’s eyes, reading his future there as plainly as they read it on the wall. “You really, truly love me?” He could hear the pleading in his voice – a pleading that would probably be there for some time. There were so many issues and deep hurts within Lance. Keith likely had them as well. Things wouldn’t be perfect right away. Lance knew it. He suspected Keith knew it, too. However, Lance also knew it would be okay. If Keith really, truly loved him, they could work through it.

“Really, truly. With my entire life and soul,” Keith choked out in his still-muffled voice.

“I really, truly, love you, too,” Lance breathed out, then leaned forward to kiss him, his hands sliding through the hair he’d always wanted to touch like this, eyes closing, and slotting their lips together in a less enthusiastic, but sweeter kiss than before. Keith responded in a way that set Lance’s heart galloping away and, for the first time since Pidge called, he calmed. He didn’t feel like hiding anymore. Not if hiding meant he couldn’t be here in Keith’s arms, kissing him as he’d dreamed of kissing him for longer than he cared to acknowledge.

Keith loved him. _Loved_ him. Had always loved _him_ , and Lance couldn’t wrap his head around it in spite of the proof pressing against his mouth and the hands at the small of his back and the words still ringing in his ears. Keith loved him. There would be time later to talk. Hours and hours of talking, he knew. Decisions to make. Plans to go over. But here, right now, everything in his life – the whole hurtling up and down adventure that began the day Keith punched James in the face – focused on this point. 

Keith, in his arms, loving him as the figures of them, their children, and their found family glowed down on them, was the only thing that mattered in the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Get your shoes on, for the last time,” Lance said, his tone exasperated. “Dad is due back at the Garrison in an hour. Wouldn’t you like to be there to welcome him home?”

“Papa,” the little boy whined, shaking his heavy, black bangs out of his eyes. “I want to finish this level.”

“You haven’t seen Dad in a week,” Lance scolded. “Don’t you miss him?”

The boy squirmed a bit on the chair. Lance’s stern gaze didn’t waver. “Of course, Papa, but…”

“But nothing,” Lance cut him off. “Shoes.” Now a finger accompanied the demand, pointing in the direction of the door, where a pile of shoes sat waiting for their owners. “Your sister is already in the car.”

“Cause she’s perfect,” the boy scowled, but followed orders, slipping out of the chair and tossing his game player onto the cushion. 

Lance shook his head as he followed his son into the kitchen. _‘Stubborn as his father,’_ he thought. _‘Truly Keith’s son.’_ The boy was. Keith’s sperm and an egg from Veronica, carried by Krolia, of all people. Keith’s mother insisted on carrying her first grandchild, surprising Keith and Lance when she offered. “Keep it in the family,” she said, which they planned on anyway. Rachel and Veronica both offered, but Krolia won. Lance was too afraid to say no.

Lance checked on the dinner in the crockpot before hustling his son out of the door and to the car. His daughter sat in her car seat in the backseat already. Lance checked her seatbelt, giving her a little butterfly kiss on the nose, which made her giggle. “When’s Daddy coming?”

“We’re going to get him, pelotita,” he replied. The little girl’s blue eyes glowed with excitement. She loved both her fathers, but she had Keith wrapped around her tiny four-year-old fingers. It may be because she looked like Lance – his sperm and an egg from Krolia. Lance had been worried about strong Galra features in her, but she looked like any other McClain, with pointy ears, and a slight tinge of purple to her skin. Everything else was Lance – the eyes, the hair, the face. Right down to the laugh and personality. 

Yes, she definitely ruled Keith. As her Papa did.

The boy slid into the seat next to his sister, old enough not to require a child’s seat. “Don’t forget your seatbelt,” Lance said. “I don’t need you flying out the window when I turn the corner.”

“That won’t happen, Papa!” the girl screeched. “The window’s up!”

Lance chuckled. “True.”

It wasn’t far to the Garrison. The family opted to live close so Keith and Lance would have a short commute. Now ranked as Generals, both Keith and Lance worked for the Garrison, alongside Shiro and the Holts. Hunk visited often and they were able to travel to New Altea to see Coran, Romelle, and the new colony when they could. Established colony, now, and had been for fifteen years.

The writing on the wall proved accurate. The future carved there came true. Two children for Lance and Keith, and they were together. In spite of all of the Holt’s and former Paladin’s investigations or inquiries to Coran and other Alteans, they never figured out the mystery of the cave. No one ever fessed up to carving the scenes after the fact, and even if they did, how had they predicted the future one? There was no evidence, other than the cave, of any Alteans coming to Earth. 

According to Coran, Alfor sent the lions out to their hiding places, but never mentioned if Alteans went with them. It made sense that some Alteans did, or who would have carved any of the images in where Blue, Green, and Yellow were hidden. (Red, probably, too as they didn’t know where the Galra found her). 

Shiro mentioned remembering when Keith first explained the energy source he found in the desert, the morning after they rescued Shiro and before they found Blue. Keith had said the markings on the cave depicted something that seemed to lead up to Shiro arriving. Those appeared to tell the future, so to speak, so why was it a stretch to believe the markings in Blue’s cave didn’t? Lance couldn’t remember what Keith said that morning. He was still in a panic to be face to face with Keith once more. He thought he’d never see Keith again, and there he was, helping to pull Shiro off the table and escaping with them across the desert. To his...home? The memories of that fated morning came floating back to his mind.

_Lance lay there on the floor all night, uncomfortable and chilled, head at a weird angle in Hunk’s lap with Pidge leaned up against him. Shiro rested on the little cot while Keith sat at the table with his head in his arms. Lance remembered jealously watching Keith and Shiro quietly leave the shack as the sun was rising, allowing a little light into the dusty and cluttered place. Did Keith really live here? Since he’d been kicked out? His heart broke as he gently pushed off Pidge and shoved her up against Hunk, so he could cross the room to the window to watch Keith and Shiro talking on a rise beyond the shack._

_What could they be talking about? What was their connection? He knew Keith and Shiro had something, but he had no clue what it could be. It didn’t seem romantic, and Lance fervently hoped not. More for him, but also for both Shiro and Keith. Shiro could get in a shitload of trouble for it and Keith would be looked down on far more than he already was. No. Lance was sure it wasn’t that._

_He sighed, eyeing Keith through the window, admiring a view of the young man he thought he’d lost. He wasn’t sure what to do. The Garrison would know, by now, the three of them had disappeared. He’d be in so much trouble when he got back. Maybe expelled. His parents would be so angry after everything they’d done. How would Veronica look in the eyes of the Garrison staff? Her little brother kidnapping a prisoner, if that’s what Shiro was?_

_It was worth it to see Keith, though. One more time._

The small ship landed on the designated pad. Lance and the children watched it gently set down from a safe distance. The newer Galra ships made little noise and left no exhaust, but Lance still insisted they stand far enough away. Just in case. Both of the kids were jumping up and down excitedly, even their son, as much as he put on a show of being too cool to care about his dad coming home. His dad came home all the time, didn’t he?

It wasn’t until the pilot’s door opened that Lance allowed the kids to run across the small landing pad to the figure emerging. Keith looked tired, Lance thought, as he followed the kids at a slower pace. He knew he wouldn’t be able to wrap his arms around Keith until the kids relaxed their holds. Tired, but the smile, which popped out on Keith’s face as he squatted to accept the crash of children into his arms, was anything but.

Lance smiled big, tears starting up in his eyes. He loved this part - the happiness on their children’s faces and on Keith’s face every time Keith came home. While his husband was able to do most of his work on Earth, his duties called him away almost once a month. He was never gone long - he couldn’t bear to be away from Lance and the kids - but they all missed him like crazy. Lance especially. Once they got together, there was no turning back for him. After all, they both knew their future. It was written on the wall, wasn’t it?

When Lance reached the trio, Keith grinned up at him with the special smile saved only for Lance. A smile Lance remembered seeing from when they were children. If only he weren’t such an idiot, he would have known this smile meant Keith loved him. 

Keith slowly straightened as the kids quieted down. As young as they were, and as excited as they were to see their Dad, they both knew once Papa got to him, their fathers needed a few moments to themselves - a few moments of just them. Taking his sister’s hand, their son stepped back a little.

There usually wasn’t a need for words. Lance’s bright eyes and glowing marks conveyed his feelings at Keith’s return more than anything. Keith’s smile broadcasted his. They drew together, arms falling into long-memorized positions, eyes closing as they leaned into each other, breaths drawing in as they wallowed in the relief, the happiness, the joy of once again being in each other’s arms. Later, once the children were asleep and Kosmo fed, there’d be time for the spark and flare that awoke the passion that led to a sweaty, moan-filled expression of their love. But this, here, was enough. A reassurance Keith was safe.

“Welcome home, Samurai.”

“Glad to be back, Sharpshooter.”

**Author's Note:**

> Some Spanish notes:  
> Mi pequeño soñado = My little dreamer  
> mijo = my son  
> pelotita = little ball/beanbag 
> 
> Find me at devooshawrites on Tumblr  
> Or devoosha on Twitter


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